The Assertiveness Technique

Assertiveness is the art of being confident in one’s own abilities. It is the ability to express your opinions, feelings, and rights tactfully and without offending others. However, there is a fine line between assertiveness and aggression. Being assertive stems from a sense of self-worth and confidence, and thus reflects strength, whereas being aggressive stems from a need to defend, and thus conveys hostility.

Unassertive Conduct

The world teaches us the art of ‘fitting in’ or ‘blending into the background’ as we grow up. That is, even if our opinions and desires differ from those around us, we are taught not to express them because doing so may draw undue attention to us, with a high likelihood of it being negative. As a result, we go through life accepting situations that we find internally unacceptable. This is extremely dangerous because it encourages ‘escapist behavior.’ We avoid situations that necessitate a response by allowing others to take the lead and make critical decisions on our behalf. Following a leader isn’t always wrong, but remaining silent when the outcome is unacceptable is a sign of indecisiveness.

The Benefits of Being Assertive

An assertive approach to communication allows for effective, honest, and solution-oriented communication. It allows for positive control over a situation as well as a fair attitude toward both parties.

Because most of us are accustomed to being unassertive and docile, adopting an assertive style may be difficult at first. Small risks must be taken in everyday conversations. As a result, an assertive approach can be introduced gradually and with minimal risk.

Being assertive, on the other hand, does not imply being disrespectful. When learning how to be assertive, it’s important to remember that the other person has the same right to their opinions and rights as you do. It is not your task to prove them wrong, but rather to extol your own point. The tone and volume with which you speak is a key factor in distinguishing assertiveness from aggression.

“Assertiveness is the ability to act in accordance with your self-esteem without causing harm to others.”

Various Communication Styles

The four communication styles are passive, aggressive, manipulative, and assertive.

Passive: Others are fine with others dictating the flow, even if it is unacceptable to them. It is always keeping quiet and playing it safe in order to avoid conflict.

Aggressive: An aggressive personality seeks to win at all costs and is intent on proving the other party wrong.

Manipulative: A manipulative personality is quiet but sly and hostile all at the same time. It manipulates the situation without drawing attention to itself.

Assertive: An assertive personality is sympathetic and seeks a win-win solution for both parties.

We use each of these communication styles to varying degrees and at different times. Our communication style varies depending on who we are speaking with. For example, a person may be assertive with his family but passive in a professional setting due to a lack of confidence due to a high level of comfort.

Pursuing an Assertive Personality

Most people make the mistake of simply raising their voice and becoming more demanding when attempting to be assertive. As a result, hostility grows, and the desired outcome is rarely achieved. Being assertive necessitates the use of both language and behavior with tact.

To communicate assertively, two key elements must be considered: how and what? What you communicate is about the script you use, whereas how you communicate is about your tone and volume. The script includes the language you chose as well as how well you conveyed your message. The best way to do this is to prepare a draft in advance and rehearse it in different tones in front of a mirror. This allows you to edit and select the most appropriate words and tone.

How to Write an Assertive Script

• Concentrate on the message you want to convey. Do not include too many different messages because this causes confusion and loses sight of the true goal. Choose the most important point for you and emphasize it.
• Make use of positive language. Your words should be chosen in such a way that they communicate your message without proving the other party incorrect.

For example, your boss may advise you to conduct a meeting in a specific manner. Instead of politely declining his suggestion, put forward your own by saying, “That is a lovely suggestion, but how about we try something different this time? I’ve been researching it, and I believe now is the time to give it a shot!” This way, you’ve expressed your gratitude for his suggestion while also discussing what you’d like to do.

• Be adaptable in terms of the desired outcome. Being assertive does not imply that you must win. Sticking to a predetermined outcome heightens the sense of conflict. Rather, focus your efforts on creating a win-win situation. This can only be accomplished by demonstrating to the other party that you genuinely care about their best interests.